New Episode - Or how I'm feeling a bit lazy today

2016-02-13 22:05:17 by Keisok

So it's been a while since I've made a news post since @Psychopath is usually pretty good at doing my job for me. Anywho, here's episode 11, or a special episode where the ressurected Kerbals decide to take extreme measures. It is an interesting experiment.

Also, feel free to comment on your thoughts on this particular video. Do you want shorter and more polished videos which cuts the dead wood of me sucking? Or do you want blindfest where I fuck up and laugh at my fuck-ups? Do you want to see building? Just curious.

As mentioned, feel free to sub if you wanna see this type of clownshoes production.

Episode 7 is online!

2016-01-16 16:50:36 by Keisok

I learned from my mistake. Sorry if it's a wee bit later than usual, but here's Episode 7. I fucked up and it was downright hilarious.

As usual, feel free to sub if you wanna.


Episode 6 is barely on time.

2016-01-09 22:43:14 by Keisok

Lol I slept and forgot today was Saturday. Here it is though! We can into space!

As always feel free to sub and or mock my incompetence.

Episode 5 is up!

2016-01-02 17:14:17 by Keisok

Let the Fuckening Commence!

As mentioned if you feel like it, you can sub too.

Episode 4: The Great Purge

2015-12-26 14:48:27 by Keisok

Hey dudes, I made Episode 4. Lulz happened:

As mentioned, if you feel like subbing, you can.

Episode 3 Is alive

2015-12-19 13:26:06 by Keisok

So yeah, I actually kept to schedule and pumped out Episode 3. I actually halfway made it to space too, so I might actually make my goal of visiting other planetary bodies. I also expect to finally start flying planes next episode. After all, where we're going we don't need wheels or engines or even wings.

And as usual feel free to subscribe if you feel like it.

Episode 2 is out!

2015-12-12 12:43:39 by Keisok

Remember that shittly Kerbal LP I mentioned? It has another video. This time I fuck up basic liquid rocket design and nearly kill my astronaut again. I am so competent and smart... oh wait no, the other ones. That's what I am.

And as usual, if you wanna subscribe for some reason, it'll be right here.

I'm making another video series via Youtube

2015-12-05 10:35:08 by Keisok

Even though I know no1curr, I'm shitting out some Kerbal Space Program vids. Since I'm basically blind, expect retardation and failure during it. One day I might even get off planet... maybe.



Expect another episode soon.

If for whatever reason you wanna subscribe to this, here's a link to do that with:

My best bro @Psychopath and I got into a big old discussion about this site, mostly reminiscing about how we had high quality artists back in the mid 2000's. Before things like collabs and sprite movies utterly fucked any chance of getting by on sheer talent alone, and before YouTube became the utter juggernaut it is now. Among one of the discussion points we had, one of them involved the rules and guidelines that was fronted by the site itself.

Now I know that April Fool's was five days ago, but this is the biggest joke I've seen since my surviving the abortion. So let's begin:

"You must be the creator and owner of the content you are submitting."

This is one of the few legitimately good elements that is maintained by the site at any level. Stolen work as I've mentioned is routinely removed after all. Don't worry, it all goes down hill from this point forward.

"Your submission must not be a modified version of someone else's work."

Then I guess all those dub parodies and sprite animations should've been liquidated all that time ago. All of that shit tends to be only composed of others work with a thin veneer of originality. Hell, if you want to get real narrowminded, all of the parodies on here should be taken to the gulag and starved to death.

"Your submission must not auto-redirect to a new site or open pop-ups. If your submission auto-spawns something to boost stats on another site, your account will be deleted and admins for the target site will be notified."

There are three hitches in your plan Tzeentch. The first is that this assumes that the site will not be run by the asshole doing this chicanery; most scams link back to the conman after all. Secondly, this relies us to rely on the staff, who need to be reminded that LPs are not okay and get rid of them for us. The third element is Creed.

"Your submission must not simply be an ad for your site."

The result of this little stipulation basically just made it so that desperate people would just recycle their shit from YT or whatever and pimp it out at the end. That way they can still be lazy.

"Your submission must not be shovelware made to serve ads or promote your site. If you didn't take personal pride and care in the creation of the content, leave it off NG."

This is possibly the biggest crock of shit this site tries to preach at us. Firstly, if that was the case, then you wouldn't be allowing people to just shovel their shit from FurAffinity/DeviantArt or YouTube for more fans/dosh. Secondly, if this statement was true, then the fact that a solid plurality of what's uploaded would not exist. Hell, a lot of the uploaders when questioned on why their six second clip of a stick man throwing a ball that goes around da earth to smack him in the head state hands down they put no effort in their product. Besides, everyone knows this rule got wrecked and broken since 2001.

Foolish Tom. We have buttfucked away any chance of this site being seen as professional.

Foolish Tom. We have utterly buttfucked any chance that this site ever had of being seen seriously. Now get back to pleasing me.

"You may not submit photographic images of naked people engaging in sexual activity."

But we do allow you guys to draw a variety of fetishes that get into levels beyond ordinary sex between two humans. I get that this is due to this place being a media site, but this still makes me laugh considering the type of shit that this site fires out of its ridiculous anus at any time.

"Do not submit illegal photography such as child pornography and bestiality. We WILL contact the FBI!"

However, should you draw incest between a crossdressing 10 year old boy and his father, you get featured and praised for it.

"Your submission must not be racist or downright hateful towards specific groups of people."

This of course is why I've seen flashes that portray arabs as bomb crazy religious crazies, even when they're in preschool.

"You may parody existing movie submissions but you must create your own artwork."

Once again, there goes all of the sprite movies. Seriously, it's a rare day when I see anything in a sprite movie that is utterly original. And no, recolors do not count you lazy fucking people.

"Personal attacks towards other Flash authors will result in deletion."

Welp, byebye BBS and PM system, I rarely used either of you.

"Your submission must not be a pointless "demo" or "preview" without any redeeming qualities."

This has been violated so many times that this guideline has a speed dial to the rape crisis hotline. Seriously, I am certain that you will find a demo on this site at least at one point in the day, and these even usually pass too.

"Do not submit movies or games made from public .FLA files (such as tutorials)."

This once again relies on the people being able to note when this is the case, and a clever conman can easily drown base elements in these with their own stuff.

"Do not submit pictures in a slide show format with no interactivity."

This rule is more impotent than a eunuch. I've regularly seen people upload shit they crapped out in Movie Maker for crying out loud. Heck, like the demos, you'll probably see one of these brain spittles on the portal at any point in the day.

"Do not submit copyrighted video clips or photographs that you did not create."

This seems to tie into a lot of assets that flashes use, and I'm fairly certain that like most of these stipulations, they are half followed at best. This can range from dub bits to other components in the flash.

"Do not submit lame entries with the intent to give users "free blam points.""

This is actually kind of a challenge nowadays, considering it takes some real big fuck-ups to get a flash blammed.

"Do not swap out your original entry with something totally different."

Oh hey, I think this one gets followed at times. I've actually seen this occur once. A bright spot in a world of pitch black blood ridden shit.

"Do not re-submit your entry after it has been BLAMMED without making noticeable improvements."

The obvious trick is to use the collective poor memory of the masses to just reupload the same thing during Clock Day. That way, no effort need be expended.

"Your game must not use Angry Birds or Super Mario Bros. characters/sprites. In general you shouldn't be using any sprites you don't own."

Tell that to all of the sprite flashes that get uploaded to this site.

"Make sure your submission has been properly rated."

The last bit of light in this ichor of filth. This has been regularly followed, and for that I am glad, since it makes at least one more element not a total joke.

So gentlemen, women, and those who want to be the opposite of either of them. Or a cat. Whatever, you know who I'm talking to. Now you should get an idea on how broken and useless the guideline system is on this glorious website and why the webzone po-po here  is a joke. Feel free to leave comments on how I'm clearly an imbecile due to X,Y,Z and/or about how I'm an awful person who hates everything in life.

This site has had a unique feature called the portal for years. It in theory kept content in a quarantine where the people would look at it and then decide if it should pass or be gassed and thrown in the pile. Allegedly this is to prevent chaff or spam from getting in, and I've seen this mechanic be bandied about by the more... damaged users here as a sign of how this place is superior than other sites. But in reality the system is a joke and it rarely gets implemented, moreso now that the site is catering to the DeviantArt mindset of pure asspats. It takes a lot here to make someone actually willing to shitcan a flash here. I've been on this site for years (a thought that horrifies me upon reflection), and I've noticed that only the following will get canned:

Unfinished Loops: Basically stuff that tend to be very short and clearly unfinished. Typically what happens here is that someone decides to fuck about in Flash for like maybe an hour at most. They just have one short scene, and since they don't bother to code it or line up something, it just is a jagged loop. The speds who are big into Madness are probably the most guilty of this type, using a character sheet and just having them fire a single gun. Thankfully this gets blammed more often than not, although some do squeak on by due to things only the dead know.

Malware: Basically content that intentionally fucks with the viewer's stuff. This is always removed on site by the staff, since this shit actively hurts the userbase. It's probably the only stuff that is consistently blammed/removed.

Broken Beyond Repair: This type of flash refers to games or movies so broken that they actually don't play, or they're basically unplayable as is. I think this and the first category are the only two that usually gets blammed by the userbase; more often than not, it's the mods that do the work.

Stolen: Content that's stolen of course. These get removed by the staff as well, usually before it passes the portal.

Unrelated: Videos where some idiot decides that this site is perfect for a non art/animation piece like a Let's Play or a vlog. This is also removed by the mods usually.

Is it sad that most of the garbage that I listed is removed by staff and not by the people? I think it is. Now that I've covered the stuff that will get removed/blammed, let's get into the stuff that's usually safe:

Animu Parodies: The`se are pretty safe choices to upload, as many people here on the userbase are kookoo for cartoons from the glorious land of Nippon. You do need to usually put in enough effort to make a short little joke, but you can cut corners all you like. Waist up shots to not draw legs? Yep. Focus on the head and mouths to skimp on animation. Sure. Not need anything more advanced than your laptop mic? Can do. Not even fucking color it in? You betcha. Trace from others? You'll get called out on it maybe, but it'll pass. It takes a sheer lack of effort for you to fail to get in; I mean, you can literally poo out your stuff in a day and it's still likely to get a two. So long as you have the anime, you're probably fine.

Shovelware: If you have a game that has been done more times than a hooker in the Red Light District, you're fine so long as you have an LLC label to show off before the game loads. You made it in Stencyl, the worst game engine known to man? Doesn't matter. It just another version of a game that's been uploaded thousands of times? It's cool. The quality control isn't perfect and bugs pop in? Doesn't matter. So long as the game is even marginally functioning, you should be fine. I've rarely seen these babies go below a two, so yeah, just fork out 75 dollars, do a logo in front of your shitty game you made in two days, and you're solid.

Game Grumps: You know, for a site whose userbase is so Tsundere towards its competition, I'm not shocked that LPers and E-celebs from there are big here. I mean, it's hilarious since not even a decade ago some edgelord would make a game where you'd shoot these guys in the face with a Barret .50 cal, but still. If you follow a similar pattern with your animu parody, you're fine. You actually can make these easier, since you can just grab their audio and just use that as your sound. Not joking. These usually are in the mid 2s too, so you actually have to try even less with these ones.

Crew Stuff: Ahh, the crews of NG. They're like an MCN, a Production studio, or a street gang if they were all run by an army of Rob Schneiders. Ribbing aside, if you're a part of a crew, don't worry. Your homeboys will cover you with their own votes, alts, or bots until your flash gets in guarantee'd. Like all street gangs, family is family, so in turn you might want to help your bros out. So long as you're not too much of a loser and you're in the crew, you're golden.

Speed Drawings: Call me an angry old man, but I do remember when this shit was liquidated from the site eons ago. Nowadays though they're accepted. To get these in, you will likely have to appeal to the base urges of this site of perverts and focus on sexy images to bolster your chances. This is especially the case if you are not that good. Make sure to at least have some sort of halfassed background too when you do these, since that usually adds like a point to your score if you're lucky. These fluctuate, but stay in the 2s and 3s. I've never seen them go above a four though, so if you are trying for quality, not a good approach.

Sprites: Ahh sprites. The lazy man's way to getting characters and assets without actually creating them yourself. Yeah, sprites can result in amazing pieces of work in the hands of an ambitious animator or someone with creativity, but nine times out of ten you are just going to be recreating an edgier type of Mario, a Sonic da Hedgehog thing with your shitty oc or some shitty Sonichu inspired multiverse. These are the easiest things in the world to produce. Just use Dragonball z sound effects, art assets you did not make, and text boxes since you don't need VAs for this shit, and instant pass.

That's about all I can really think of at the moment for this, so feel free to tell me why I'm wrong or a faggot or a moron by gibbering in the comments section.